He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
