i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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