I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The adults are the big ones right?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
