I cockslap morals
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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