I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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