it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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