i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
