using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
