You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
