apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
