This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How external is "for external use only"?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The Olympian is in my bed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
