can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
