is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
