So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
