It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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