Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm always down for nudity.
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