Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
