I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Randomize
