found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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