You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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