so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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