So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
