It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
