This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
