Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
