I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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