No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
