I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
