I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
