Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
