ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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