My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
