If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have aggressive nipples.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
