I faked an abortion last night.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
