So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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