bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
