Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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