I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
