I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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