After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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