that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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