We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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