She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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