I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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