I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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