I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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