I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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