i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
