he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
