Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
