Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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