bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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